I know a lot about this since I am from Buffalo NY and live in Virginia. I help my Mom who was widowed in January by working on organizing her finances, she feels better having things in one place, can ask me questions or have me call the bank or her financial advisor to have conversations she does not want to have anymore . Below is from NIH’s National Institute on Aging (NIA)
Could it help for me to organize Mom’s paperwork?
My friends who have been caregivers say that a lot of what they did was to organize paperwork. I’m thinking of taking on that task to help my mother and sisters.
Organizing paperwork is one way that a long-distance caregiver can be a big help. An important part of effective caregiving depends on keeping a great deal of information in order and up to date. Often, long-distance caregivers will need access to a parent’s personal, health, financial, and legal records. If you have ever tried to gather and organize your own personal information, you know what a chore it can be.
Getting all this material together is a lot of work at first, and from far away it can seem even more challenging. But once you have gathered everything together, many other caregiving tasks will be easier. Maintaining current information about your parent’s health and medical care, as well as finances, home ownership, and other legal issues, lets you get a handle on what is going on and allows you to respond more quickly if there is a crisis.
If you do not see your parent often, one visit may not be enough time for you to get all the paperwork organized. Instead, try to focus on gathering the essentials first; you can fill in the blanks as you go along. You might begin by talking to your parent and his or her primary caregiver about the kinds of records that need to be pulled together. If a primary caregiver is already on the scene, chances are that some of the information has already been assembled. Talk about any missing information or documentation and how you might help to organize the records. It is also a good idea to make sure that all financial matters, including wills and life insurance policies, are in order. It will also help if someone has a durable power of attorney (the legal document naming one person to handle financial and property issues for another).
Your parents may be reluctant to share personal information with you. Explain that you are not trying to invade their privacy or take over their personal lives—you are only trying to assemble what will be needed in the event of an emergency. Assure them that you will respect their privacy, and then keep your promise.
If your parents are still uncomfortable, ask if they would be willing to work with an attorney (some lawyers specialize in elder affairs) or perhaps with another trusted family member or friend. Keep in mind that healthcare providers and health plans are by law not required to share information with a person’s family or friends unless they are the patient’s personal representatives. For more information, visit www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-individuals/family-members-friends.
